An introduction and discussion guide for faith communities

Let’s Talk About Sex explores why many families and faith communities aren’t talking about issues of sexuality with young people. The filmmakers are not prescribing a specific method to deal with this issue. Instead, they present a realistic view of teen sexuality in the United States and abroad, highlighting statistics and showing that there is a significant problem. The filmmakers hope to start conversations–between parents and children, among clergy and congregations, and with all who are interested in the health and well-being of young people.

While some of the examples of teen sexuality portrayed in the media during the documentary may feel uncomfortable, it is important to note that each clip is taken from shows and media our young people are watching. The advertisements can be seen on billboards, in shopping malls, and on the Internet, as well as at magazine stands in grocery stores.

A segment of the film compares teens in the United States with teens in the Netherlands. The rates of sexually transmitted disease and teen pregnancy are drastically lower in the Netherlands than in the United States. Laws around alcohol consumption and tobacco use are very different overseas. The film is not suggesting your community embrace all of the practices of families in the Netherlands, but instead provides an alternative perspective that is proving beneficial to the youth in that culture. By keeping an open mind, it may be possible to see the potential benefits of doing something different, something more in talking about sex.

The book Faith Matters: Teenagers, Religion, and Sexuality reports the results of a study of 5,819 United States teens who are involved in their congregations:

While religious teens have lower rates of sexual intercourse than secular teens, the rates are still high with almost one out of three religious teens having intercourse in the 11th and 12th grades. Eleven percent of the females who have had intercourse have experienced a pregnancy, and half of them ended the pregnancy with an abortion. Nine percent of the males and females who have had intercourse or oral sex have acquired a sexually transmitted disease.
Thirty-one percent of the 11th and 12th grade girls surveyed have had an unwanted sexual experience.
Virtually all of the teens surveyed want their congregations to do more to help them prepare for sexual decision-making, dating, marriage, and parenting. In fact many are disillusioned that their congregations, like the rest of society, do so little to help them in this area of life.

The following discussion guide can help start conversations. There are a variety of settings appropriate for viewing the documentary and following up with conversation:

Adult faith formation/religious education classes.
A parent/youth gathering. Have a potluck or order pizza; make popcorn. Watch the documentary, have a meal, and finish with discussion.
If your congregation is considering implementing a sexuality education initiative, viewing the documentary and having a discussion is a good way to get started.
A short series of classes on teen sexuality including viewing the documentary, using the discussion guide, and doing a book study with the resource Faith Matters: Teenagers, Religion, and Sexuality.

Discussion Guide Questions

1. Director James Houston makes the following statements at the start of the film: “…sex is a part of our culture-especially youth culture. Sexual imagery is such an inescapable part of teen life. Sex is everywhere in America.” Do you agree or disagree with these statements? Why? If our congregations truly care about our young people, what implications does that have for helping teens understand the place of sexuality in their lives?

2. Dr. Mike Wilmington states that: “Our sexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are, inseparable from being human, like brain function and nutrition.” Do you agree with the belief that our sexuality is an intrinsic part of being human? Why, or why not?

3. The film makes this statement: “In a deeply religious country, open discussions about sex are challenging.” In what ways have some religious voices made it difficult to speak about sexuality In what ways could religious voices actually help create more open discussion about sexuality?

4. Do you think congregations have a responsibility to provide sexuality education? Why or why not? If you agree that congregations should provide sexuality education, how many of the following do you think should be part of that education:

Helping young people understand their bodies including the physical dimension of sexuality?
Helping young people understand the spiritual dimension of sexuality?
Giving young people the tools they need to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease?
Helping young people have the skills needed to avoid being the victims or the perpetrators of sexual violence and harassment?
Giving young people the guidance they need to have healthy relationships with the people they date?
Giving young people healthy communication skills that can help them in sexual relationships and in other relationships?
Helping young people become more comfortable talking with their parents or guardians about sexual decision-making, dating, and other relationships?
Helping young people better understand the factors that make for healthy marriages?
Helping young people relate their faith to their sexual decision-making?

5. The film focuses on the need to have healthy conversations about sex with teenagers in particular. Talking comfortably about sex is easiest if doing so has been a part of a person’s development in age-appropriate ways starting even before the teen years. What help could congregations offer children and their parents in talking about sex in appropriate ways starting in childhood?

6. Of the teens who have had sex, 50% of their mothers believe that they are still virgins. If parents are not aware that their sons or daughters are having sex, what impact is that likely to have on teens using safer sex practices (condoms and contraception)?

7. The American mother raising her children in Holland talked about many of the people she knows having regrets about the first time they had sex. Do you think it is common to be unhappy about one’s first sexual experience? Why, or why not? How can we better prepare our young people for a healthier first time experience when they are ready for sex?

8. Research shows that providing young people with information about their sexuality and safer sex practices does not result in increased sexual behavior; in fact, the opposite has been proven true. The more knowledge youth have, the longer they wait to become sexually active. Even though our government has spent 1.5 billion dollars on abstinence only education, the United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the developed world. Why do you think the statistics in the U.S. are so high compared to other developed countries?

This discussion guide was developed by Melissa Lopez, Christian Community